Notes on noses

It might appear prudent, if not altogether necessary, to commence by vindicating the Nose from the charge of being too ridiculous an organ to be seriously discoursed upon. But this ridiculousness is mere prejudice; intrinsically one part of the face is as worthy as another...
George Jabet, Notes on Noses, 1852

This post has been written due to popular demand.

Although my blog is certainly supported by the physical size of my nose, which enables me to sniff out a good story - not wishing to cut off my nose to spite my face - i'd like to think that my blog is located outside the discipline of nose-ology. I'd like to think that, in fact, my blog tells of the ex-splat adventures of a 30 something (thirties are the new twenties) Australian woman in Paris and beyond and reviews my life (books, films, love and thoughts).

But a quick look at the google searches that have landed people in this blog makes me think otherwise. Just a few examples:

"big greek nose", "big nose actors" "nose keeps growing" "big nose French guy" (I know a few if you want me to introduce you) "big nose cure" "big nose solution" "big nose males" (once again, I can help you with this) "the nose gets bigger as you get older" (yes, it does) "she had a big nose" - yes she did indeed. My nasal history is as follows:

I've been through many phases with my nose. When I was
a sloppy girl of six, the equally sloppy six year old boy whose
arm I used to stroke during dark classroom moments called me
"big nose" to my face (and i'm sure my nose heard).

Then as I grew older no one noticed my nose except me but nevertheless
I kept all my lunch money to save up for a future nose job.
I got super skinny from lack of lunch but I never quite got enough money together
and my nose stayed firmly intact, twitching all over my face.

My nose then disappeared for a while and it was in my early twenties
that it became an object of desire. Boys liked me not DESPITE my nose
but BECAUSE of my nose. Apparently this oversized gadget on my
face was sexy.

In my later twenties my nose became less prominent,
one wouldn't say petite but one wouldn't refer to me as "the girl with the big honker". Now that I am 33 it has suddenly started to grow again.

Unfortunately there is no happy ending to this story so far. I haven't yet saved a bundle of burning cats from a flaming house in the dead of night because I was the first to smell the smoke with my All Mighty Nose.

Lately my memories of childhood are becoming stronger and stronger. I think there is a correlation between this and my ever-growing nose.

It is certainly great to see that people are interested in their own and other people's noses. Recently actresses such as Nicole Kidman have worked towards giving greater exposure to noses: in the re-make of the television series Bewitched she showed us that noses can be not only charming but imaginative, and when she played the role of Virginia Woolf in the film The Hours sporting a largish (i've seen bigger) prosthetic nose, she did much towards raising the profile of noses all over the world.

Eyes get to wear make-up to enhance them, noses just get covered in concealing powder, losing all their shine. And as for the discharge that trickles and clogs the nose, this is one of the last taboos. Provocative modern art has been known to use real-life faeces, but where is the public display of good old-fashioned snot? Isn't snot art too? No, apparently it is best quietly banished to the tissue and discreetly discarded. Even the nose's power as a musical instrument has now been forgotten, with the act of blowing the nose no longer an art form. I refer to a passage in Le Mesangere's Le Voyageur de Paris:

"Some years ago people made an art of blowing the nose. One imitated the sound of a trumpet, another the screech of a cat. Perfection lay in neither making too much noise or too little"

People are always writing songs for the eyes of their beloved, or include "nice eyes" as what they look for in a love match, but what about the nose?

George Jabet, although not known for his modern views on sex and race, describes some different types of noses. There is, for example, the straight nose which is supposed to denote a refined or artistic personality. And apparently for women the power of this nose might reveal itself in artistic needlework! [Oh Jabet, you are such a card.] Then there is the hawk nose, the self-evident cogitative, the snub and the celestial noses...but he fails to talk about the whopping big bunger of a nose and what kinds of qualities we can expect from someone equipped with one of these.

And it seems that you lot are not just curious about noses, you want to know about big noses and how to cure them. Does size matter? Today's society certainly seems to favour regular features and the smaller nose, but that's just the current fashion. For example, back in Marie-Antoinette's day the aquiline nose was still considered socially acceptable. And you know, fashion is retrospective.

Aside from the obvious "cures" such as plastic surgery, nose-binding at birth and frying the wing of a bat during the witching hour, there is no cure! So I'll leave you with these encouraging words from the biggie of the big noses, Rostand's Cyrano de Bergerac:

A great [that is HUGE] nose indicates a great man [And woman of course]
Genius, courteous, intellectual
Virile, courageous